Friday, April 29, 2011

Google Adwords Makes Great Post-Modern Haikus

Anyone who’s written ads for Google Adwords will know what I’m talking about when I say this, but writing these things is like creating bizarre, post-modern haikus.

The format is simple: Three lines. Title, description, description. The lines have character limits of 25, 35, and 35 respectively. The idea is to convey a deep, spiritual experience for Google users as they search the web for anything and everything.

At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what they’re for. I never click on them myself.

So let’s look into some of these ad haikus! We’ll start with a web search for something basic: “Free stuff.” Immediately, we’re greeted with this classic poem of grand exuberance:

How I Get Free Groceries
Thanks to this website, I never
have to pay for groceries again.

After searching for merely “divorce,” we’re treated to this tale of unrequited affection:

Stop Your Divorce
Find out how to stop your divorce
or lover's rejection. Official Site

“Lonely” returns an equally passionate account of the quest for adulation:

Sexy Baltic Ladies
Pretty women from Baltic countries
are looking for true love

And finally, who knew that the decidedly unsexy search of “pest control” would yield such beautiful results:

Raccoon Removal & Control
Effective, Immediate, Long Lasting,
Raccoon Control Techniques.

So as you can see, writing these ads requires a little bit of talent; you must choose the best words, and the flow of your text could mean the difference between someone not clicking on your ad, and someone accidentally clicking on your ad while reading it.

Feel free to submit your favorite ad haiku!

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